


Laisse-moi t'aimer

by charlie_thequeen



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Caligari Spell (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Français | French, Post-Caligari Spell (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Team as Family, Therapy, Zarie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlie_thequeen/pseuds/charlie_thequeen
Summary: This story is my take on what Zelda goes through under the Caligari Spell because WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT!Post part 3, with flashbacks from Zelda's marriage with Faustus Blackwood.Zelda is in a relationship with Mambo Marie and they like to speak French a lot.
Relationships: Marie LaFleur (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina)/Zelda Spellman, Marie LaFleur/Zelda Spellman
Comments: 19
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep in mind English is not my first language.  
> I'm a native French speaker.

Zelda Spellman could not sleep that night. Even when she felt like she was finally drifting off, horrible images appeared once again to her mind and she felt like she would be swallowed by the darkness around her if she did not sit up, open her eyes, and abandon the idea of sleeping altogether. It was not the first time this happened. She had gotten accustomed to it. This did not make things any less hard, but it meant she knew that when this happened it was usually pointless to try and fight back her sleep-eating demons. 

Sometimes she would be tricked into thinking it would be a peaceful and restful night. Sleep would first come easily but very vivid and graphic nightmares would eventually come and join her in her sleep. She would then wake up with her heart racing, sweat dripping from her forehead, and a sharp pain in her chest. There had been a few times when her wheezing and coughing had awoken her sister Hilda. She would then join her in bed and do everything she could to appease her, even if it meant holding her for hours while she cried on her shoulder. Of course, this was something they never talked about. 

Zelda was too proud to admit she needed help and it was not common for a witch the see a therapist. As a matter of fact, Zelda did not even know any witch therapist and it would be impossible to explain to a mortal one that she had been the victim of a terrible spell which had turned her into a sleepwalker unable to make her own decisions whilst very aware of everything happening around her and to her. 

Zelda was alone in the bedroom that night. Hilda had decided to spend the night in another room with her fiancé after she happily found out she had not eaten him alive when she was transformed into a spider woman. 

Zelda suddenly realized she had been touching her lips absentmindedly for quite some time now. Marie… Memories of Marie kissing her softly by the fireplace a few hours ago came to her mind and she gladly let them replace those of her ex-husband laying heavily on top of her and kissing her with such an urge that she choked from not being able to catch her breath. 

Marie. Sweet Marie. What was she expecting from her now? Would she avoid her the next day or act as if nothing had happened? Or even worse, did she plan on telling everyone they were in a relationship without asking her first? Were they even in a relationship? Oh, sweet Hecate… Will Marie want to have sex with her next? Was it the next step for them? Was it something she owed to her? 

Zelda had had many sexual experiences with other witches in her long life and she had enjoyed them a lot. She was both aroused at the idea of getting physical with another woman again and extremely anxious just at the idea of being touched by anyone, regardless of their gender. She never thought she would one day experience such panic at the idea of having sex with a very attractive person. She had always been very sexually open and even used to cavort with sex demons. 

What had this man done to her? It had all started with Faustus. With their marriage. With the night when the Dark Lord had planned to visit her and claim her for himself. How terrifying! How relieved she had been when he disappeared before he could do anything to her, even if she would have never admitted it back then. How could she have been so oblivious to this misogynistic world she had grown up in? Why did she insist so much on obeying without questioning when she knew many things were wrong with their religion? When she was a young girl, she had been told she would always have free will. This was the opposite of free will. 

Once again, her thoughts went back to Faustus laying heavily on top her, opening her legs, and digging his long sharp nails into her inner thighs. She remembered the pain from his nails breaking into her skin and the even sharper pain she experienced when he took her without warning, without minding if she was ready for him. She could feel everything though all she could do was smile and flatter his sexual performance and his ego. 

Zelda felt a sudden urge to retch and ran to the bathroom. Once she was sure there was nothing left of Hilda’s copious dinner in her stomach, she brushed her teeth and went down to the kitchen to get some water. She was surprised to find Sabrina and Ambrose having a heated conversation in the kitchen while drinking something she assumed was gin. Did Sabrina drink alcohol now? Well, she did not have the strength to reprimand her niece. 

Sabrina jumped when she saw her aunt enter the kitchen.  
“Aunt Zee! What are you doing here so late?!” She said, clearly trying to conceal her anxiety at being caught drinking and having a suspicious conversation with her cousin in the middle of the night.  
“What are you two plotting now?” Zelda asked, irritated. She took Sabrina’s glass of gin and started drinking from it. She tried to ignore her niece and nephew staring at her while she finished the drink and put it back on the table. She then reached for her cigarettes and lighter on the counter and went out on the porch to smoke. 

When the Spellman family and Dr Cee met in the kitchen the next morning for a lovely English breakfast, it did not go unnoticed that Zelda had barely eaten. She was off to the academy long before anyone had finished eating. Sabrina waited for Dr Cee to leave for work before addressing the issue with her aunt and her cousin.  
“What is wrong with Aunt Zee? I know she barely slept last night, but why? It usually happens when something bothers her. But I can’t see what that would be… Yesterday was a happy ending, right?” Ambrose did not seem to agree with that assessment, but she kicked him under the table before he had time to respond.  
“How do you know she didn’t sleep last night?” Hilda asked suspiciously. “Anyways, your aunt would never admit it, but she’s been dealing with insomnia for quite a while now. And sometimes night terrors… But please do not tell her I said anything!” She warned her. “I really don’t want to go back to the Cain Pit.”

Sabrina’s eyes met Ambrose’s for a second. They had heard their aunts talk in the middle of the night several times and could have sworn they had heard their aunt Zelda cry as well. They had thought it better not to ask her about it. However, Sabrina’s curiosity and love for her aunt got the better of her.  
“Aunt Hilda, what has been going on with Aunt Zelda? We can’t all just keep pretending she’s fine. I heard her cry a few times before and I heard you chat in your room in the middle of the night so many times when I left my room… To get some water!” she finished her sentence in a haste trying to avoid her aunt’s suspicious look.  
Hilda sighed. “I’m afraid your aunt Zelda sometimes has flashbacks from her marriage with Father Blackwood, especially from the Caligari Spell… And she finds it very challenging to sleep when those occur.” Hilda said, hoping Sabrina would be satisfied with her answer and would not ask her to elaborate. 

Sabrina frowned. “Why did it affect her so much? I mean, don’t get me wrong, what Father Blackwood did to her was atrocious… But nothing our strong aunt couldn’t handle, right Ambrose?” Her cousin looked at her but didn’t answer. He had always felt like there was more to this story than what Zelda had told them. Maybe Sabrina was too young, to naïve to know better. He gave his aunt Hilda a meaningful glare, silently asking her to reveal what she knew. What she had always known. She sighed loudly, poured herself more tea and finally spoke up.  
“There are lots of things your aunt Zelda has never told you. And she hasn’t told me those explicitly either. I actually had to guess and she kinda confirmed what I was afraid of… That Faustus… That little bitch… He used Zelda in many different ways.” 

Sabrina listened quietly, not sure of where her aunt was going with this. She already knew about the torture her other aunt had had been through. She knew all about Faustus Blackwood using her to serve tea and massage his shoulders, and how she had assumed the role of the biddable wife even after the enchantment had been broken. All she knew was what she saw by herself and what Zelda had told them. She looked at her aunt Hilda, encouraging her to keep going.  
“Well I’m not sure whether your aunt would want me to tell you all of this, but Faustus wanted to have a docile wife, which is the opposite of Zelda as we all know. And he took advantage of her in many ways. Including physically… Sexually…” She almost whispered the last word and could not look at her niece and nephew as she did so. 

Sabrina felt suddenly very sick to her stomach and regretted she had eaten so much for breakfast. She had wanted to know but now she wondered whether she would have preferred not to. Ambrose had a very serious look on his face. He was probably thinking of all the things he could do to make Faustus pay. The three of them cleaned up the kitchen in silence, their eyes red with tears and their chests heavy with sadness and anger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and the kudos!!!

“A wife walks behind her husband.” These words kept repeating in her head as she looked at her reflection in the mirror of her vanity. She was in Rome, in the suit where they were going to spend the next few days with her husband. Their honeymoon had started with the funeral of the Anti-Pope, and Faustus had been bragging about the fact he could become the next Anti-Pope. Unlike her sister, she had never fantasized about her honeymoon, but she knew this was not the way she would have wanted it to start. She had thought for a long time she would never get married because her independence and her desire for power frightened people. Now that she was finally married, it felt like she would never be a strong independent woman ever again. 

She heard him call her name from the bedroom. He was probably already waiting for her in bed, ready for their first night as a married couple. She sighed and stood up. Did she really have a choice anyway? Faustus had always been a pretty good sex partner, so she could probably play her role as a newlywed witch without too much effort. 

This had been the very last time she had felt sexually in control. In control of her body and her desire. They spent the next day fighting over his ideas to reform the Church of Night as the new Anti-Pope. “Interim Anti-Pope, Faustus” she had corrected him several times. When it was finally time to go to bed, Zelda turned her back to him and switched off the light on her side. She was so mad she could not even look at him. Soon enough, she felt his hand grip her hip and he started to kiss her neck.   
“No, Faustus. Not tonight. I’m exhausted.” She said. When he did not stop, she repeated louder: “No, Faustus. Not tonight. Please!”.   
“Zelda, dearest, I need you.” He said, nibbling on her neck. Zelda sat up on the bed and switched on the light. 

“Faustus, I said no! I am not in the mood for this right now. Especially after the day we just spent.” She said, sternly. Faustus gave her a scornful look and left the bedroom saying those words that would later often play in her head during her sleepless nights: “What good is a wife if she can’t even please her husband whenever he needs her?” 

“Bonjour, comment vas-tu ma chérie ?“ Zelda was brought back to the present by Mambo Marie who apparently liked to visit the library early in the morning as well. It did not seem like Marie felt shy around her or that she regretted their kiss from the previous day. On the contrary, she seemed genuinely happy to see Zelda and her smile was so bright and sincere Zelda could feel the heat radiate from it in her chest and then in her entire body. It was a whole knew sensation for her. 

“Marie! What are you doing at the library so early in the morning?” She asked, uneasy.   
“I knocked on your office door and a young warlock, I think his name is Melvin, told me you were at the library. Et je voulais te voir…” She whispered the last words to her ear. Zelda’s heart missed a beat.  
“You wanted to see me?” She asked, feeling her entire body being drawn to the other woman. “Tu voulais me voir ?” She repeated in French, which was one of the many languages she could speak. 

Marie sat as close to her as possible and leaned in to kiss her softly. Zelda closed her eyes and focused on the present, on this very moment. On Marie’s soft lips against hers. On the other woman’s scent. When she finally opened her eyes after breaking the kiss, Marie had a big grin on her face. Zelda chuckled. “What?” She asked.   
“Tu parles français ?” Marie smiled even more.   
“Oui. Mais pas aussi bien que toi.” Zelda answered in a playful way before kissing Marie again. Marie thought Zelda’s accent when she spoke French was very charming.   
“I am sure you speak French as well as I do.” Marie chuckled. 

Zelda was surprised to feel so comfortable with Marie. Of course, knowing they were alone in the library helped a lot. She looked at the clock and thought it was time to call for a coven meeting. Before that, she needed to make sure that she and Marie were on the same page. She sat upright on her chair, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.  
“As you know, I am now in the process of creating a new religion from the ground up. I will need as much help as I can get from you, but also from the hedge witches and the rest of our coven. I know you came here willingly, but I want you to know that you should never feel obligated to stay with us. If you ever feel like this is not your battle, I want you to know you don’t have to fight with us…” She looked at her hands when she felt Marie take them in hers.   
“I did choose to stay with you and to help you, willingly.” Marie told her and she gave Zelda an encouraging nod when the other witch looked at her in the eyes again.

“Thank you, Marie. There is another matter we need to discuss. I don’t know what our relationship is exactly, and it is probably still a little too early for this, but I wanted you to know that I really enjoy your company.” Zelda blushed like a teenage witch and felt quite embarrassed by it. She was not usually this way around people she found attractive. She was more direct about her desires and took people to bed without giving it a second thought.   
“However, I think it is probably for the best if we stay discreet for now. Just so everyone stays focused on our urgent matters for the coven. Just for now?” She hoped none of this would be misinterpreted and was relieved to see Marie smile.   
“Pas de problème ma chérie. “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour, comment vas-tu ma chérie ?  
> Good morning, how are you honey?   
> Et je voulais te voir.  
> And I wanted to see you.  
> Tu voulais me voir ?   
> You wanted to see me?  
> Tu parles français ?  
> You speak French?  
> Oui. Mais pas aussi bien que toi.  
> Yes. But not as well as you.  
> Pas de problème ma chérie.   
> No problem honey.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you're liking the story so far. This chapter is longer than the first two and I'm planning to write longer chapters for the next updates as well. It just takes a little bit of time since I'm not a native English speaker.

Zelda Spellman spent the whole night and the next morning alone. Faustus had left their hotel room without giving any information on where he was going, and she frankly did not care about his whereabouts. She did not have breakfast that day. She did not feel like eating after spending a sleepless night raging against her husband, and against herself. Why had she not listened to Sabrina? Why had she ignored everybody’s warnings? If Edward, her own brother, had made sure she and Faustus did not marry many years ago, it was certainly because he had known back then how hideous that man was. 

Faustus did not love her, and he certainly never did. He surely desired her. Coveted her. But he was not capable of loving. Zelda could not care less because she had never loved him either. However, she had desired him and her desire was fading away. He was an attractive man; she would not deny it. He was also an amazing sex partner. Yet, she felt like the bit of liking she had for the man was starting to vanish. Everything she liked about him did not seem to cover up for that fact he was a misogynistic and narcissistic partner. What had she put herself into? Was there any possible escape from this? 

As she was smoking and wondering what she could do to either tame Faustus or end her marriage with him, the door opened abruptly. Faustus came in holding a gift box decorated with a ridiculously big bow. He was obviously trying to smile but was so nervous his smile turned into a grotesque rictus. Zelda tensed at first but started to relax and feel a little bit of pity for this man who stood before her looking like a young boy who had brought a present to his mom to apologize for a stupid act. 

He awkwardly handed her the present. She gave it a stern look, wanting to make sure he did not think he could be forgiven this easily.   
“Whatever you got me, I am still mad at you Faustus.” She said. “You scared me last night, do you realize that?” She was surprised to glimpse a look she did not quite understand on his face. It had only lasted a second. But it was there. She could not have imagined it. Was it a look of contentment? Did it give him any satisfaction to learn he had frightened her? She decided to ignore this for the time being and finally accepted the present. 

“My dear Zelda. I am so sorry for my unspeakable behavior. You deserve more than that.” He said, still trying to smile. “Please open it. I have looked everywhere for the perfect gift. I did not sleep nor eat. I couldn’t till I had made sure I had found it.” Zelda looked closely at him. He did certainly look like a man who had been running around all night. She carefully untied the ribbon and opened the lid. 

She had not expected to find a kitschy music box inside. Boy, men did have such terrible taste sometimes. Hilda would have probably loved it though. She made a mental note to give it to her sister. She forced a smile when she took the music box out and placed in on the table in front of her. She decided to be nice and pretend to like the present because, even if it sadly meant her husband did not know anything about what she liked outside of bedroom activities, he had at least tried. 

“Thank you, Faustus.” She simply said.   
“Do know like it? Look how much the woman on the box looks like you!” Faustus said excitedly. Zelda looked at the miniature dancer closely. She was a redhead indeed, but she did not see any other resemblance between her and this figurine.   
“I wanted to find one that looked just like you because you are so beautiful! Come on, try to turn it on!” Faustus was so excited he looked like a mad man. She put it on the sleepless night he had just spent. Choosing to keep her comments to herself, she silently turned on the music box. The small dancer started twirling around as a childish tune played. It reminded her of one of the lullabies their mother played for her and Hilda on the gramophone when they were little girls. She lifted her eyes and noticed Faustus was staring at her intensely. He was really starting to make her uncomfortable. 

“Come on Zelda, dance. Dance for me.” He said, his bulging eyes not leaving hers.   
“Faustus, are you mad? Of course, I won’t dance for you. This is ridiculous…” However, Zelda felt herself standing up and twirling around. She wanted to say something. To react to what had just happened. Yet, she was mute. Or at least she thought she was until Faustus made her speak.   
“Tell me you are sorry for disrespecting me.” He ordered.   
“I am sorry for disrespecting you.” Zelda repeated in an uncharacteristically high voice.   
“And now you may only call me Husband, or His Unholy Eminence. Do you understand, Wife?”  
“I understand, Husband.” She answered, smiling.   
“Tell me you will never deny yourself to me ever again.”   
“I will never deny myself to you ever again, Husband.” 

She could see herself being pressed against the wall. She saw him reaching under her dress, taking down her underwear and lifting up her two legs, still pushing her hard against the hard wall. She was watching the scene from above, as if she were out of her body; a mere spectator of what was happening.   
“Auntie, wake up.” Where was this voice coming from? It sounded so distant she could not even recognize who was potentially talking to her.   
“Zelds, wake up!” This voice sounded different, but it was still so far away.   
“High Priestess Spellman? Zelda? Vous m’entendez ?” This surely was different. Why was she suddenly hearing French? 

Hilda, Sabrina, Ambrose, and Mambo Marie were gathered around Zelda who was lying on the floor in her office at the Academy. The usually pale witch’s face was even more livid. It looked like she was sleeping and having a nightmare. Sweat was dripping from her forehead. Sabrina kneeled beside her and gently shook her, but this only resulted in Zelda twisting and turning. Sabrina tried to hold her, but Zelda pushed her away in her sleep and agitated her arms in every direction.   
“No, no… Stop… Please, I’m begging you!” Zelda started to implore in her sleep, tears dripping down her cheeks. 

Sabrina gasped and ran straight to her aunt Hilda’s arms. She cried uncontrollably.   
“It’s okay Sabrina, it’s okay.” Hilda tried her best to calm her niece although she also felt like she was going to cry her eyes out if this did not stop. Mambo Marie carefully approached Zelda, touched her shoulder, and whispered a soothing charm to help Zelda relax in her sleep. It slowly seemed to work. Once Zelda had calmed down, Hilda let go of Sabrina to join her sister. Her arms were replaced by Ambrose’s who hugged his cousin and let her cry on his shoulder. Hilda sat next to her older sister and caressed her face softly whilst she murmured kind words to her ears.   
“I love you Zelds. You are going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. You are so very much loved.” 

Zelda opened her eyes with difficulty and slowly sat up, with the help of her sister and Marie. She wanted to stay strong, but her mouth uncontrollably contorted, and she started to cry again, Marie and Hilda on both her sides encouraging her to focus on her breath.   
“Zelda, ma chérie, follow my breathing. Breath in and slowly breath out.” Marie guided her, a hand gently rubbing in small circles on her back. Zelda let out a loud sob, still gasping for air. She started shivering as if it was cold in the room. She was staring into space and it was not clear whether she was conscious of everyone’s presence by her side. 

“He raped me! He raped me so many times!” She suddenly let out, her face now red from crying, and her nose running. Hilda let out a loud sob and looked at her niece and nephew who were now both crying, still cuddled up. She then looked at Marie who was also crying.   
“Faustus?” She asked Hilda, in a whisper. Hilda nodded. She then hugged her sister and patted her back gently.   
“I know sister, I know…” 

Sabrina and Ambrose were quietly watching the scene. They were in shock. They had never seen their aunt in so much distress. Zelda was now hyperventilating and something had to be done quickly.   
“Mambo Marie, why did your soothing charm stop working?” Ambrose asked the voodoo priestess.   
“It can only work for some time. It did work till she came back to us. Mental health is a very complicated matter. Even for us witches. Especially when the ailment is so severe. It may work better if we are not too many in the room. Could you prepare a bath for her with the help of your aunt Hilda? I believe you’ll know what plants to use.” She directed the last words to Hilda, giving her a small smile.   
“Yes I do, but I don’t want to leave my sister. No offense, it’s not that I don’t trust you… But I need to know she’s going to be okay.” Hilda said, almost hysterically as her tears were running more than ever. Ambrose took her hand and Sabrina helped her stand up, gently pushing her back. She finally stood up letting them guide her.  
“Mambo Marie already saved her once. You can trust her, auntie. Plus, you are the best for concocting soothing bathes.” Ambrose told her softly. Hilda sniffed and followed her niece and nephew out of the room, giving a last look at her sister before closing the door. 

Marie sat behind Zelda. She positioned her legs on each side of her and patted her gently on the back with both hands. She started moving her hands up and down the woman’s back while whispering her soothing charm. She continued for a few minutes till the woman stopped shivering and her breath came back to normal. Zelda turned her head to look at the woman sitting behind her. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her makeup was ruined. Marie gave her a soft smile and Zelda smiled back at her, her lips still trembling slightly. Zelda leaned back against Marie’s torso and closed her eyes. She wanted to stay here in this position for as long as possible. She did not want to talk about what had happened and she was grateful that Marie seemed to understand her needs at this moment. 

They stayed here for a little bit till Sabrina gently knocked on the door of her office and came in. Zelda moved a little away from Marie so that it did not seem too obvious that they had been cuddling.   
“Your bath is ready, auntie Zee.” She said, relieved to see her aunt was almost back to herself.   
“Thank you, Sabrina.” Zelda said with a faint voice. Her niece and Marie helped her stand up and they slowly walked to the closest bathroom. They took her to the bathtub which was filled with warm water, lavender, peppermint, and jasmine. They had lit some candles and placed bath products along with a clean and warm bathrobe on the bathroom sink.   
“Let us know if you need anything, auntie Zee.” Sabrina told her before giving her a kiss on the cheek and leaving the room with Mambo Marie to give her some privacy.   
Zelda looked around for a bit and then started taking off her clothes with trembling fingers. She carefully folded them on a chair and let herself sink into the tub. 

About ten minutes later, someone gently knocked on the door.   
“Zelds, it’s Hilda. Do you need anything?” Zelda gave it a quick thought before answering.  
“Yes, please come in.”   
Hilda opened the door and entered the bathroom carefully, not to startle her sister. Zelda gave her a small grin and gestured for her to come closer. 

Hilda softened at the sight before her, the scene reminding her of when they took baths together as little girls.   
“Are you feeling better?” She asked her kindly.  
“I am. Thank you Hildie.” She answered. “Would you please help me wash my hair and wash this makeup off my face?” She gently asked.   
“Sure.” Hilda excitedly selected a few bath products and placed her chair to sit behind Zelda. She filled a basin with some water from the bath and gently poured it on her hair and her face. She put a little bit of lotion on a washcloth and started cleaning her face. She then washed Zelda’s hair with her favorite shampoo, taking time to massage her scalp and make the shampoo foam. She rinsed the red hair and enveloped it in a clean towel. Zelda stood up and gladly accepted the bathrobe her sister was handing her.  
“Thank you Hildie.”   
“You are very welcome sister.” 

Zelda sat in front of her vanity while Hilda brushed her long hair. They were quiet for a while till Hilda giggled. Zelda gave her a questioning look through the mirror.   
“Sorry Zelds… I was just thinking of you and… Mambo Marie. Is there anything going on between you two?” Zelda sighed. Her sister could be so nosy sometimes. However, she liked the idea of chatting about her love interests with her sister. This reminded her of the good old days.   
“I will tell you about it, sister, but you have to promise me to keep it to yourself for now.” She answered severely, though quite amused by the situation. Hilda giggled like a schoolgirl, ready to listen to her older sister’s story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vous m’entendez ?  
> Can you hear me?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning everyone! I’m very sorry it took me so long to update. I started a new job in high school, and it’s been pretty rough.   
> I really hope you will enjoy the update. Thank you so much for all your nice messages. It’s always a pleasure to read them.

Knowing she would finally be back to Greendale with her family filled Zelda with hope. She expected them to quickly notice something was odd. Someone would notice for sure and she would be saved from Faustus Blackwood. After all, this high-pitched voice was not hers. Those flowery dresses were not hers. Neither was this pink lipstick. She would never submit herself to a man, even if he was supposed to be her husband. She would not submit to anyone, warlocks and witches alike. Someone would notice for sure. Hilda would notice. Sabrina would too. As well as Ambrose, though he also had a lot on his plate and would not necessarily pay attention to her behavior.

Unfortunately, they were coming back from their honeymoon early for dreadful reasons. Her nephew whom she had loved and taken care of for many years may very much be sentenced to death for a crime she knew for sure he did not commit. She would have at least hoped for a fair trial but knew those did not happen very often in their coven. Not since Father Blackwood had become High Priest of the Church of Night. Not when her very own father was High Priest either.

There was also the matter of Sabrina who had reportedly been killed, then had resurrected, and performed other miracles. This was too much. Because of the situation she was in, it had become nearly impossible to focus on anything. Impossible to think about these different events and to process anything. These crazy things were happening around her and it almost felt unreal, as if she were trapped in a never-ending nightmare. The only moments she could rely on, the only ones she knew were true, were those filled with pain and humiliation. 

After all, physical pain was a primal sensation. Her brain would automatically let her know was her body to experience any pain. In these moments when Blackwood dug his nails deep in her thighs and her hips, she knew for sure she was alive, and she knew the world around her existed. If anyone could ever be sure of such things, that is. However, emotional pain was much harder to process. There were moments when she would try and convince herself she was not here. She would pretend she was somewhere beautiful with people she loved. A forest with magnificent pine trees covered in snow, like the one she saw in Austria. Her sister Hilda and their brother Edward were with her drinking hot coco at a mountain restaurant, wrapped up in warm blankets. And then, soon after, she would be brought back to what was unfortunately her reality. The unbearable caresses. His hands that felt like sandpaper. The forced cuddles. The forced kisses. The forced penetrations. Her hands massaging his shoulders for hours, to a point where she could not feel her fingers anymore and she was left wondering how they could still be moving. It was the curse, of course. It was always the curse. 

She was standing behind her husband. He loved her there, never stepping nor standing by his sides. Her face was aching from smiling for too long. She gave a warm smile to every member of the council. The curse stretching her lips to a point she did not even know was possible. And there she stood. Behind him. Smiling. Wearing too much rose on her cheeks and her lips. Looking like a pretty doll. Submissive. A toy you could play with and discard when you were done with it. A toy only existing for one’s entertainment or to look nice in the corner of a room. 

Her heart missed a beat when she saw her family enter Blackwood’s office. “They will notice. They will see I look nothing like myself and it will be the end of this infernal torture.” She thought. However, even if they did slightly look at her, none of them had commented. They did not even bother to greet her. “Are they mad at me?” She wondered. “Do they believe I put myself in this position by myself and it serves me right? They would probably be right to think so.” 

She noticed Sabrina had looked up and down her dress with a disgusting look on her face. She had noticed something was off, but she not commented. Maybe she thought her aunt Zelda had profoundly changed to please her husband. Maybe she found her pathetic. Or was it possible she was only too preoccupied by the situation she and Ambrose were in? Maybe this also explained why her very own sister had not even greeted her. 

Faustus started talking abruptly. Had she not been under this curse, she would have jumped. “The council and I were called from the Necropolis, our conclave cut short, to deal with this greatest of emergencies.” Zelda noticed her sister was now staring at her suspiciously. “Yes!” She thought. “That’s right Hildie. Look at me. Notice me!”

When they were finally done talking about Sabrina’s case, it was such a relief for Zelda that the council had decided she should be thanked for her actions instead of punished as Faustus had wanted. However, it was a short relief since the subject moved to Ambrose’s case. Zelda had an internal panic attack when it was finally decided Ambrose would be executed. If from the outside she seemed completely unaffected by this verdict, she wanted to cry. She imagined she was a prisoner clutching the bars of her cell and yelling to anyone who could hear. It made her feel even worse that her family probably thought she did not care about her own nephew’s death at all. 

Just when Zelda thought there was no escape from this nightmare, just when she thought she was going to turn completely insane, Hilda spoke. “Sorry, I… Wonder if I might have a visit with my sister? In private?” Zelda looked at Faustus, waiting for him to speak with the same bright smile on her face. To Zelda’s great surprise, it did not take long for him to ponder this request and accept it. Maybe there was still hope somewhere after all.   
She led her sister to the chamber she was now sharing with Faustus Blackwood. It was the first time in a while she had felt in control. Virtually though, since it was not really herself who was showing her sister the way. Had she been herself, she would have fled with her far away from Faustus. And far away from the academy, until she had found out how to defeat him and protect the students there. 

She walked into the room, closely followed by her sister, and automatically started preparing tea for the two of them. She would have usually let her sister do this herself, or she would have served them something stronger. Especially given the situation they were currently in. She noticed Hilda was quizzically looking at her, which gave her more hope she would understand the situation. The music box. She needed to show her the box, if she could only manage to take some control of herself, to fool this curse somehow. She needed to get closer to the music box. Maybe this would start a conversation. 

She looked at the music box. It was calling for her. She saw her hand reaching for it and turning it on. The tune started playing. This infernal tune. Then she heard herself say: “Isn’t this music box marvelous? It was a wedding present from His Unholy Eminence. He gave it to me on our first night in Italy. It’s one of Leonardo’s designs.” “It’s lovely, Zelda.” Hilda answered. “Please Hildie. You know something is wrong…” She thought. 

Zelda jumped on her chair when she felt a warm hand touch her shoulder. She quickly turned around and noticed it was Marie.   
“I am so sorry, ma chérie. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Marie told her, with undoubted concern and sincerity.   
Zelda had been sitting on the couch in the parlor at the mortuary, staring absentmindedly at the flames burning in the hearth. She smiled faintly and motioned for Marie to sit next to her. When the voodoo witch did so, she leaned against her and sighed contentedly. Marie wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head. After a while, Zelda finally spoke.  
“Thank you for what you did for me yesterday. Even if I was not completely aware of what was going on, I know it was you who soothed me and help me get through this.”  
“And don’t forget your sister.” Marie replied.   
“You’re right. I will have to thank her as well.” 

They stayed like this for a while. Both looking at the flames, occasionally kissing each other’s lips softly. Hilda was working at the bookstore and Sabrina was out with Ambrose doing Hecate knows what. Zelda was the first one to speak.  
“I told my sister about you. I hope you don’t mind.” She said, matter-of-factly. Marie turned her head to look at her. She seemed surprised at first but eventually grinned.   
“What did you tell her about me exactly?” She asked and chuckled when Zelda rolled her eyes.   
“I told her we had kissed… More than once… And that I liked you very much.” She answered, before smiling teasingly at the other woman whose dark skin had flushed. 

When Ambrose and Sabrina came back from their conclave to discuss Sabrina’s bad decisions, they were welcomed by the sight of their aunt languorously kissing the voodoo witch on the parlor’s couch. They looked at each other in shock but silently decided it would be best to leave before one of them noticed they were here. After all, all their aunt needed was a little privacy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your nice comments! It is very important for me to write about Zelda's trauma. I also write for therapeutic purposes since I've experienced sexual abuse myself.   
> I hope it was worth the wait!

She opened her eyes in the dark. She blinked several times. She waited for her eyes to adapt to the darkness and to find a source of light somewhere. Some shadows. Some shapes in the dark. Yet she saw nothing. Only darkness.

She felt the mattress beside her shift a little. She could feel the warmth indicating somebody’s presence next to her. She could now hear faint snores. This human presence by her side was not reassuring at all.

How had she woken up in the middle of the night? Was it herself or was it the spell? She was not exactly sure of how these things worked. She felt weak and light-headed. Her stomach was empty. She heard it gurgle a few times. She had not eaten anything in two days. Faustus was too busy trying to have her niece and nephew executed for his own well-being that he had forgotten to have her eat something. She had spent yet another day serving tea and biscuits to Faustus and the members of the council. Her throat was very dry as well. She did not remember when was the last time she had drunk either.

Her eyes were fumbling in the dark. Somehow, they were the only part of her body she could move freely even when Faustus was sleeping. She tried to reconnect her brain to her muscles, but nothing seemed to work. Her body was completely paralyzed. Useless.

She could not go back to sleep unless Faustus woke up and told her to do so. So, she waited here, for hours. Enable to go back to sleep, her eyes staring at the ceiling though she could not see it. All she could see was absolute darkness. Emptiness. Nothingness.

She was in a cage. Her biggest fear had come true, she thought. Or had it? What was worse than being in a cage? She started thinking about her family and she suddenly changed her mind. Her biggest fear was to lose them. To never see them again.

She closed her eyes and saw Sabrina. Her darling Sabrina. Her smirk. This confident on her face. Her rosy cheeks. Then she saw Ambrose. Handsome as always. This thirst of knowledge. A real bookworm. Finally, she saw her sister. Dear Hilda, baking and whistling in the kitchen. Her sister she had been awful to so many times. She did not deserve her. However, she could find some comfort knowing her sister had always loved her and knew how much she loved her as well.

She started thinking of all her past relationships. Trying hard not to think about Faustus who had unfortunately been her first. To avoid this from happening, she decided to focus more on the relationships she had had with women. She loved intimacy with women so much, but it had been such a long time since her last time with a witch. She focused on her memories of the women’s bodies she had seen and touched. Their curves. Their soft lips.

Then she started thinking about the places she had been to in Europe and tried to recite them in her head in the order in which she would find them on a map. Scotland, Ireland, England, The Wales, The Neverlands, Belgium, France, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Austria… Was it all? All these different places with their great food. Their specific smells. Their landscapes. Their weathers. Their sounds. Their people. She had built so many great memories in her long life. So many, it was almost overwhelming.

She kept going. Trying to recite all the foods she liked. Imagining herself picking a peach right from a tree and biting on it. Moaning at how sweet and juicy it was. The books she had been inspired by. Then she songs she liked and had danced or cried to. These moments of life she could link to this or that specific song. She recited all the spells she had learned by heart, secretly hoping she would come across one that could break the spell.

For many hours Zelda Spellman focused on what made her alive. What made her human. What made her a witch.

Zelda woke up early this morning. She had gone to bed right after Marie had left the previous evening feeling exhausted. She had to get ready to go to the Academy. She was to spend the day interviewing candidates for different teaching positions. She knew she could now count on Ambrose to teach a class or two, but she needed more teachers. Furthermore, Prudence was still away, and no one had heard from her, which was stressing her out. Thankfully, Marie had plans to try and find her.

Once she was ready, she went downstairs and found her sister, her niece and her nephew already eating breakfast. She sat on her chair, lit a cigarette, and then picked up the paper already waiting for her on the table. She was surprised to find it was an issue of _Le Monde_ that day. What a coincidence… An article about French heritage in North America… She quickly started thinking about the New Orleans queen she had spent a great amount of time kissing the previous night.

Her family saw the smirk she had on her face when he put the paper down next to her on the table and started serving herself some food and coffee. Sabrina and Ambrose giggled not so quietly despite Hilda’s attempt to silence them. It was only then that Zelda noticed they had all been looking at her every movement and facial expression.

“What now?” She asked, rolling her eyes. Just before anyone could make up an excuse, someone rang at the door. They all wanted to take advantage of the situation to escape, however Sabrina was the quickest one, and she left to open the door. Zelda looked back at Hilda and Ambrose, still waiting for some clues on what was going on.

Sabrina came back to the kitchen, followed by Marie. Apparently, finding out who their guest was caused her to giggle even more. _“Teenagers!”_ Hilda thought. She greeted Marie with a warm hug. Zelda and Marie just looked at each other, smiling until Zelda, annoyed by Sabrina and Ambrose’s fit of laughter, decided to break the ice.

“Have you had breakfast?” She asked tentatively.

“No, I didn’t really have time to. I decided to pick you up and walk to the academy with you.” She answered with a warm smile. They just stayed there, smiling at each other awkwardly till Hilda startled them both with her high speech voice.

“Come on then! Sit down! Tuck in!”

They started talking about the Academy and Marie’s plans to find Prudence. Ambrose was determined to find his girlfriend and bring her back to the safety of the coven. She could not possibly go look for Faustus Blackwood on her own. Especially since they now knew he wore the mark of Cain and could not be killed.

Even though the topic of the conversation was serious, Zelda could not take her eyes off Marie. She was captivated by her. Furthermore, there was nothing hotter than a powerful and determined witch, she thought.

After breakfast, Zelda and Marie walked to the Academy together. Once they started walking through the forest, Marie grabbed Zelda’s hand, turned her around to face her and kissed her softly. The kissed quickly became more heated. Zelda eventually broke the kiss, but Marie was not ready for it. She desperately brought their lips back together which caused Zelda to burst into laughter. Marie smiled. She pecked Zelda on the lips several times before she finally let go of her.

“J’adore ton rire.” She simply said, which made Zelda melt.

It was a busy day for Zelda at the Academy. However, it was a productive one and Zelda felt exhausted but also relieved when she finally closed the door after the last candidate for the teaching positions left her office. She had found some good candidates and found comfort knowing she had the support of many witches and warlocks.

They had officially left the Church of Night a few weeks ago. She had to attend a meeting with the members of the Council, and it did not go smoothly. As expected, they refused to recognize Zelda’s authority at Directrix of the Academy of Unseen Arts and as the new High Priestess. It was not surprising since these misogynistic old men had done nothing to help Zelda when they obviously knew she was under the Caligari spell. The meeting ended with them accusing Zelda of blasphemy when she reveled to them that they had ceased being satanic witches a while ago. They had been The Church of Lilith and were now The Order of Hecate, worshiping the three in one. Zelda had almost feared for her life. The members of the Council were powerful warlocks. Thankfully, she had not come alone. All the members of her Coven had accompanied her, and she had felt Marie’s power right behind her the whole time.

They were now free to be. Free to sign their names in other books. Free to open a new chapter.

Zelda was taken out of her reveries when someone knocked on the door. She opened it quickly and was glad to find Marie behind the door. She was holding a paper bag. Zelda looked at it suspiciously. Marie understood her silent question.

“Your sister made us dinner. She won’t be home tonight, and she was obviously worried you wouldn’t eat.” She answered as she walked in and started unpacking dinner on Zelda’s desk.

“Yes, I must admit I’m not always the best at taking care of myself…” Zelda answered in all honesty.

They ate while talking about the prospective teachers Zelda had seen during the day. About an hour later, Zelda yawned, and they decided to take it as a sign they should probably go back home. However, when Marie was about to join the hedge witches in the Desacreded Church, Zelda grabbed her hand.

“Will you come back home with me?” She asked, shyly.

“Avec plaisir, ma chérie.” She answered before pecking her lips.

They teleported back to the mortuary, holding hands.

When they walked into the mortuary, they were surprised to see no one was around. Sabrina and Ambrose were certainly doing Hecate knows what somewhere. Zelda would have to check what they were doing at some point.

She led Marie to the couch. They sat there in silence. Marie could see the dark rings under Zelda’s eyes. She intensely looked at her, waiting for her to speak up. Zelda sighed. Marie took on of her hands, caressed the back of it softly before kissing it. She hoped Zelda would open up a bit. They needed to trust each other if they were to work together to save the Coven and fight the darker forces she could feel coming in the horizon.

Zelda slowly lied down on Marie’s laps. The other witch could feel how tensed she was. She needed to relax, to trust her. To know she was welcomed here. To make sure of that, Marie started stroking her hair and caressing her cheeks and her forehead. She briefly glanced at the fireplace and summoned a large and comforting fire in it. About ten minutes later, when she felt Zelda had finally relaxed, she reckoned it was the right time to finally talk.

“Zelda, parle-moi…” She started, tentatively. She heard Zelda groan against her thigh. She did not want to push her too hard too fast, but an open-heart conversation was long overdue. Zelda turned around on her laps to lie on her back and face her. Her eyes were filled with tears, which broke Marie’s heart. She summoned a tissue and handed it to Zelda.

“Merci…” She almost whispered whilst drying her tears. “It’s just that I’m scared…” She started, shyly. However, it was not an easy task for Zelda Spellman to admit she feared anything.

“De quoi as-tu peur ma chérie?“ Marie asked her. “De qui as-tu peur?“ Maybe it was more of matter of who she feared than a matter of what she feared.

“I’m scared of what may be coming up. I’m scared for my family, for the coven. For myself… I’ve never been so scared. Except when I was with Faustus, and… You know…” She felt sick just thinking of it and had to sit up a bit. Marie helped her sit on her laps and looked into her sea green eyes, waiting for her to continue whenever she felt ready to.

“I’m afraid of him, of what he could do to us. I’m afraid to see his face again, but I also want to find him and kill him… I’m afraid of myself. Of how I will react if I see him again. And also…” She turned her face to fix the fire with a sad look. She needed to say it now or then it would be too late. “I’m also afraid I’m going to lose you… Because I’m a complete mess. And that sucks because I really like you…” She blushed and felt too embarrassed to look at Marie. She stood up and fetched her cigarettes. Marie looked at her while she put one on her cigarette holder and lit it. She waited for Zelda to finally turn around and look at her.

“You’re not going to lose me Zelda. I’m here for you.” Zelda smiled at her, feeling reassured by Marie’s words. However, she knew there was another topic they had not discussed yet. Marie also felt there was more on Zelda’s mind.

“What is it, ma chérie? Dis-moi…” She asked, looking right into her sea green eyes as if she could look into her soul.

Zelda disposed of her cigarette in the nearest ashtray and sat next to Marie. She finally found the courage to look into Marie’s eyes and tell her what had been on her mind.

“After what happened with Faustus, I don’t really feel ready to be intimate with someone. Just not right now. I know I will eventually. And I do. I do want to enjoy intimacy with you in many other ways. But right now, sex is just not something I feel ready for.” She looked into Marie’s brown eyes and was almost overwhelmed by the adoration she found in them.

“Believe me, I usually enjoy a good roll in the sack… I’m just looking for other ways to connect with another human being right now…” She added, slightly embarrassed when Marie started laughing.

“It’s okay, ma chérie. They are many ways to connect with someone.” Marie told her, before giving her a soft peck on the lips. Zelda smiled against her lips.

Zelda and Marie spent the rest of the evening talking about movies and books they liked. Zelda was not tired at all anymore. She felt like she could talk with Marie all night. Every knew piece of information she learned about the witch made her want to learn even more.

“Do you sometimes read books in French?” Marie asked her at some point.

“Of course, I do.” Zelda answered. She stood up and picked up a book from one of the bookshelves around them. “There is one I had been thinking of reading again, actually.” She continued whilst walking back to sit next to Marie with a small book in her hands. Marie looked at the cover: _Le scaphandre et le papillon_ , by Jean-Dominique Bauby.

“Oh! I’ve heard about it! Is it the book that was written by a man who could only blink one eyelid?” Marie took the book from Zelda’s hands excitedly. Zelda had a bright smile on her face. Of course Marie knew this book, and she would probably understand why it meant so much to her.

“Yes, it is! He had a stroke and was left with locked-in-syndrome. He could only blink his left eyelid and he wrote a whole book just like that. The English title is _The Diving Bell and the Butterfly_ , but I prefer the French title, of course.” Zelda gave her playful blink which made Marie smirk.

Zelda leaned her head against Marie’s shoulder and continued her explanation, this time with a more serious tone. “I have thought about this book a lot when I was under the Caligari spell… Because I also felt like I had locked-in syndrome as well, somehow. I was mentally aware of everything, and the only part of my body I could move freely were my eyes.”

“Oh, ma chérie… Je suis tellement désolée pour toi…“ Marie noticed her eyes were filled with tears, just like Zelda’s. She needed to be strong for Zelda, she thought. So, she dried her tears with the back of her hand and held Zelda closer to her. “Tell me more about it. I want to know everything you’ve been through so that I can help you. How did you manage to keep your sanity in all of this?” She asked. After some time considering Marie’s questions, Zelda finally answered.

“I guess I almost lost it several times. But I did think about the book and I tried to do the same as Jean-Dominique Bauby did. I created a whole universe in my head with happy memories, dreams I would have liked to be memories… I thought of all the people I love and all the things that made me who I am. I guessed this is what really helped.” She was not crying anymore. She seemed determined. Hopeful. And Marie found her so inspiring. She knew for sure she was going to love this woman more than she had ever loved anyone in her life.

Marie smiled at her and leaned forward to peck her lips repeatedly. Zelda grinned against the other witch’s lips.

“Do you want me to read for you, ma chérie?” She asked, her smile never leaving her face. Zelda simply nodded and lied down on Marie’s laps again. Once she was sure the redhead was cozy enough, Marie started reading the first chapter.

_Derrière le rideau de toile mitée une clarté laiteuse annonce l’approche du petit matin. J’ai mal aux talons, la tête comme une enclume, et une sorte de scaphandre qui m’enserre tout le corps._

_(Through the frayed curtain at my window, a wan glow announces the break of day. My heels hurt, my head weighs a ton, and something like a giant invisible diving bell holds my whole body prisoner.)_

Zelda tensed slightly at the remembrance of the time when she was also trapped in her own body. Marie stopped reading, but Zelda smiled to encourage her to continue. Despite everything that it implied, these lines were beautiful, as well as Marie’s lips reading them to her and her voice when she spoke French.

_Crispées sur le drap jaune, mes mains me font souffrir sans que j’arrive à déterminer si elles sont brûlantes ou glacées._

_(My hands, lying curled on the yellow sheets, are hurting, although I can't tell if they are burning hot or ice cold.)_

Zelda grasped a bit of Marie’s dress in her hands and hid her face in it, using it as a comfort blanket. She felt like a child. She felt so vulnerable. But for once in her life, she could not care less.

_Le scaphandre devient moins oppressant, et l’esprit peut vagabonder comme un papillon. Il y a tant à faire. On peut s’envoler dans l’espace ou dans le temps, partir pour la Terre de Feu ou la cour du roi Midas._

_(My diving bell becomes less oppressive, and my mind takes flight like a butterfly. There is so much to do. You can wander off in space or in time, set out for Tierra del Fuego or for King Midas's court.)_

Zelda started thinking of all the great adventures she had had when she was under the Caligari spell. She went to Australia and became an actress there. She then went to Brazil and shot a film in which she played an American poet having a love affair with a beautiful female architect. She even traveled through New Zealand with the members of her fellowship and slayed a dragon and its rider, the evil Witch King. She grinned, realizing how silly it was.

_On peut rendre visite à la femme aimée, se glisser auprès d’elle et caresser son visage encore endormi. On peut bâtir des châteaux en Espagne, conquérir la Toison d’or, découvrir l’Atlantide, réaliser ses rêves d’enfant et ses songes d’adulte._

_(You can visit the woman you love, slide down beside her and stroke her still-sleeping face. You can build castles in Spain, steal the Golden Fleece, discover Atlantis, realize your childhood dreams and adult ambitions.)_

Zelda looked through Marie’s beautiful dark eyes. She had stopped reading and was absentmindedly stroking Zelda’s hair. They both smiled. It felt so right. So peaceful. Zelda cupped Marie’s cheek in her soft hand and the next words left her lips before she even realized she was saying them.

“I think I’m falling in love with you Marie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> J’adore ton rire.  
> I love your laughter.
> 
> Avec plaisir  
> With pleasure
> 
> Parle-moi.  
> Talk to me.
> 
> De quoi as-tu peur ?  
> What are you afraid of?
> 
> De qui as-tu peur ?  
> Who are you afraid of?
> 
> Dis-moi.  
> Tell me.
> 
> Je suis tellement désolée pour toi.  
> I am so sorry for you.


End file.
